


He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

by UglyTunaSandwich



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Secret Relationship, angst with a happy ending but not the one youre thinking of, anywho, im gonna go write that smut i was supposed to working on lmaoooo, pls, so dont get your hopes up LOL, why are you such masochists omg, yall wanted this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29439099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UglyTunaSandwich/pseuds/UglyTunaSandwich
Summary: The heart is a fickle thing.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 22
Kudos: 78





	He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> this is for my dear dear Ari who said, and i quote "Sakuatsu angst fics are so fucking wild to the point that i dont even want them together anymore. They really do bring out the worst of each other...why haven't yall broken up!!!" 
> 
> so yea...i took care of that for you

If you hadn’t known, you wouldn’t be able to tell. 

Atsumu’s steady hands mirrored his even emotion, his unwavering smile, and consistent banter. 

He was used to pretending. In fact, he was lucky that this was only a recreation of things he’d done before. He knew what was expected of him, and he delivered. Every time. 

Except one. 

He often wonders what it was. Maybe he didn’t give him enough time? Enough space?

_ Toss. _

Maybe beyond heated breaths and naked skin, there really  _ was _ no chemistry. 

_ Toss. _

What made Sakusa Kiyoomi break up with him?

_ Toss. _

What made him say “I don’t love you?”

_ Toss. _

“You’re really great today, Tsum Tsum!”

“You think so?” Atsumu gave a mostly genuine smile, trying to ignore the ebony behind Bokuto. 

Bokuto met him with a blinding smile. “You free tonight?”

"Tonight?” Atsumu averted his gaze, placing a hand on the back of his neck in thought. “I think I’m just real tired. Another time?”

“Sure, no pressure!”

Whatever reward you got for acting, Atsumu would gift it to himself over and over again. 

The first time? Being so good he’d convinced himself that he didn’t have a crush on Sakusa. Until he did.

He’d gift one for when he said he was fine with secretly dating. A few when he told himself it wasn’t  _ that  _ bad that he couldn’t love his partner as openly and loudly as he was used to. That he didn’t crave a peck afer a good toss, or to cuddle on the MSBY bus back from away games.

He wasn’t sure if there was a cap on these things, but he’d definitely toss one in for when he smiled at Sakusa, saying he felt the same when they agreed to end it. 

Maybe he was being generous, but one for every time he cried in the bathroom before practice. Puffy eyes and heavy sniffles never made it to the court. 

Each toss to Sakusa landed as it always had, and he was proud of himself for it. 

Atsumu didn’t think time healed all wounds, but he’d agree that it made them hurt a little less. Even stakes could be reduced to the smallest of splinters. 

Morning sessions spent controlling his breathing were reduced to nothing. He could laugh a little more wholeheartedly again. A night at an izakaya wasn’t a great feat anymore. 

Atsumu was able to move on. 

Until he wasn’t. 

Atsumu never really understood the phrase “seeing red.” He thought it was a general expression of just being angry or really upset. But now, with the sight before him, he could say that if he saw red, it was only for a brief moment before he was blinded with rage. 

This bastard. 

This fucking bastard. 

“And he already knows you, scrub,” Osamu deadpanned. 

_ What? Oh yeah.  _

Atsumu composed himself. He was an actor. He was a great one. He was the best. He was at a family gathering with his ex-boyfriend who was now dating his brother. 

_ Snap. _

“What the hell is wrong with ya, that’s the third one! Go get a fork, yer not breaking all my chopsticks.” 

Atsumu looked down at the pieces of splintered wood, branded with the Onigiri Miya emblem. Shit. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Atsumu got up and went to the kitchen to retrieve a metal fork. He didn’t move fast enough not to see Sakusa nuzzle into Osamu’s neck after whispering sweet nothings into his ear. 

_ It’s all nothing _ , he wanted to tell his twin.  _ It’s all...nothing. _

Atsumu felt that familiar tightening in his chest.  _ No no no. Not here. Not now–  _

“What the hell is your problem?”

Atsumu steeled himself, and hardened his heart at the sound of the voice behind him. He took the deepest breath of his life before facing the man who broke him.

“I think  _ I’m  _ the one ta be askin’ that, don’t you think?”

If Sakusa were an actor, he’d be a great one too. No emotions made themselves apparent on his face or in his voice. “I’m here because Osamu invited me.”

“Are you  _ kidding me _ ?  _ That’s  _ yer response?”

“I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

“I dunno,  _ sorry _ . Or something, honestly, I don’t really give a shit. I know what you could  _ do.  _ You could stop dating my fucking twin!”

“So you want me to break Osamu’s heart? That’s what you want?”

“ _ You broke mine! _ ” Atsumu couldn’t stop himself before the words slipped out. Of course he wouldn’t want that.  _ Of course.  _ He would never want his brother to have to feel the loneliness, the emptiness, the loss. But still. Still…

“You said it was amicable.” His stoic tone ripped Atsumu from his spiral of insecurity.

“Well not everyone is like you and can just say whatever’s on their mind. Some people  _ lie. _ ”

Sakusa’s neutral expression was quick to morph into a glare, his patience thinning by the minute. “And what does  _ your  _ lie have to do with me?” escaped through gritted teeth. 

Atsumu stood in shock momentarily, a laugh breaking him out of his trance. He’s right! Oh he was so right! But there was just one thing he had to know…

“You doin’ this to spite me or something? Yer just trying to pull one up on me bastard?  _ Huh? _ ” 

Sakusa’s silence only fed the growing flames of rage deep within his gut. He closed the distance between them, taking fistfuls of Kiyoomi’s collar to bring him down to his level. 

“Listen here you bastard,” he started, his voice low and rumbling in his chest, “if you drag ‘Samu inta yer…” Upon looking into Sakusa’s eyes, the splinter in his heart swelled, making a hole too big to repair. He let go of his shirt and backed away. 

“You love him.”

A statement.

A fact. 

“I do.”

The splinter never left. It never got smaller. It was a stake Atsumu turned a blind eye to. He was a car driving with the engine light on for far too long. 

He collapsed against the counter as the light left his eyes. He was just as dull as the fork he held in his hand. 

The fork was replaced with a new one, gleaming with a luster Atsumu could no longer give. He sat at a long table alongside his brother. Through the corner of his eye, he could see Kiyoomi’s shining with a light Atsumu could never receive. He picked at his food mindlessly.

“Hey bro, what’s up with you?” Osamu laughed, jabbing him in the side. 

Atsumu looked up, jeering at his stupidly happy brother. His twin. “Can’t believe someone was crazy enough to marry yer ass is all!”

Osamu sneered. “What, you jealous?”

Atsumu scoffed. “Of  _ you _ ? Please.”

Yes. 

**Author's Note:**

> do you like the title?! it's so cool, right? cause it's like he loves him, but not. he loves his /twin brother/ lmfaoooo. okay, that's not funny, that's kinda fucked up, actually. he like atsumu in a different font fhioafhdoifa okay, im gonna stop XD. anywho, im gonna go do what i was planning and bring yall hoes some porn or whatever. or ill do that ushiten angst. hmmm decisions decisions....


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